Gaining ground
Please, don't say that . . .
By Betsy Buckley
How many times do you get stuck in situations where people you don’t know use their initial 3-5 minutes of conversation with you asking questions that don’t seem to add much substance?
- On the phone: “Is now a good time to talk?”
- Meeting at a networking event: “How are you today?”
- A potential referral source joins you for lunch: “How was the drive? Really tough sledding out there, eh?”
While I might be a little impatient, what annoys me with this waste of words is that the focus is off, the preparation sloppy (at best) and the value limited. If I were a trial attorney or a debater, I’d call the first words out of the mouth my opening statement. My goal: to connect with you, to set a tone and to establish credibility, rapport and a pattern for dialogue.
Whether we’re talking to a colleague about possible collaboration, a boss about a possible promotion, a potential client or customer about their concerns, or even our kids about their chores, the words we use and the order in which we frame those words can make our connection – or break it.
Three tips
- Identify common scenarios that call for a great opening statement and actually frame it. Develop a signature line or story that is uniquely you. Some examples:
- Conversation at a networking event. When you’ve just seen someone you haven’t seen for a while: “Hi, Mary… so great to see you. As I look at your smiling face, I’m wondering, what’s been making you happy lately?”
- Beginning of a presentation for new business: “The first - and perhaps most important - thing we want to say today is: We would be honored to have a chance to work with you and would give that work our very best efforts, every day.”
- First meeting with the entire team of a new client: “Before we talk in detail about how we can work best together, we want to tell you how much we share your values of…” (taken from their website, their last holiday card, their own branding).
- Put yourselves in the ears of the listener. Realize their attention span is short (current communications research says 10 seconds or less). Remember the phrase: “There is no logic without a parallel appeal to emotion.” Consider their wants first. And then their needs. Example: When someone is talking about how busy they are, instead of diving into what’s on their plate (or, even worse, how busy you are), pause… and ask: “If I had the ability to give you one thing that would make things a little smoother, what one gift might pull your stress level down a few notches?”
- As you frame up statements, use power words. Alliteration helps with memory, such as think, talk, take action! Metaphor pulls emotion to the forefront and questions invite dialogue.
The most important thing. Be real. And, focus on the other person. This is absolutely not a plea for a slick script. To the contrary, it’s encouragement for thoughtful preparation and intentional connection.
Whether your meeting is a planned one with an allotted time schedule or a chance encounter, listeners will engage with you if your words invite them to. And, conversely, won’t if all you’re saying is a placeholder.
Say what matters to them. Please.
Betsy Buckley is CEO & Chief Rainmaker of What Matters, a consulting firm in St. Paul, Minnesota. Founded in 1997, What Matters helps financial services professionals grow themselves and, in the process, grow their revenue. A graduate of Saint Norbert College, Green Bay, Wisconsin, Buckley has completed graduate work in urban planning and executive education programs at the Wharton School and the University of Southern California. She also has an advanced executive coaching certification from the Hudson Institute. Buckley has demonstrated in her own life that sustainable growth comes from building on your strengths, having the discipline to decide and do what matters and . . . asking plenty of questions. View Betsy’s bio or visit her company’s website, www.what-matters.com.
