Gaining ground
Seven secrets of understanding body language
According to Allan and Barbara Pease, authors of The Definitive Book of Body Language, our gestures give away our true intent. Even so, most of us don’t fully understand the extent to which nonverbal language helps – or gets in the way of – our communication.
Since Charles Darwin published The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals in 1872, researchers have recorded nearly a million nonverbal cues and signals. Albert Mehrabian, a pioneer researcher in the 1950s, found that the total impact of a message is about seven percent verbal, 38 percent vocal and 55 percent nonverbal.
The Peases’ research in the 1970s and 80s revealed that body language accounts for between 60 and 80 percent of the impact at negotiating tables and that people form 60 to 80 percent of their initial opinions about a new person in less than four minutes. The findings led them to conclude, “We make our final decisions more on what we see than what we hear.”
What messages are you sending?
The question becomes then, how can we send positive messages? According to the Peases, good communication involves much more than words. Knowledge of body language, including facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture and tone of voice enriches communication and understanding.They advise using the following seven secrets of attractive body language.
- Face
Smiling is a good place to begin. When you smile at other people, they most often return the smile, creating positive feelings in both the person sending and the person receiving the message, causing smooth interactions with positive results.
- Eye contact
Where you direct your gaze has a powerful impact on the outcome of an encounter. Social gazing in which the gazer stares in the triangular area of the other person’s face between the eyes and mouth is perceived as non-aggressive. People use the intimate gaze, involving the eyes and the area below the chin to lower parts of the body, to show interest in others; those who are interested return the gaze.
On the other hand, the “power gaze,” in which you narrow your eyelids and focus at the center of another person’s forehead, is intimidating. The power stare is what predatory animals do before striking; it has an unnerving effect. The best advice is to maintain the amount and type of eye contact that makes others feel comfortable
- Head movement
The Peases explain the meaning of different head positions.- The head up position indicates a person is neutral about what is being said.
- The head tilt to one side signals submission, because it makes the person look smaller and less threatening.
- The chin down signals a negative, judgmental or aggressive attitude.
- The head duck, raising the shoulders and pulling the head down between them implies the person is trying not to cause offense. This position makes people appear less confident.
- When a listener indicates interest with head nods people talk more than usual.
- Posture
Lean forward when listening and stand straight when speaking. Gestures such as open arms, visible palms, leaning forward, head tilting and smiling make it easier for others to be influenced by your point of view. It’s best to refrain from crossing your arms in front of your body which signals that you are not approachable.
- Territory
Territory is the area around people that they claim as their own personal space. This includes physical possessions as well as air space around the body. The definition of personal space varies by culture. In most Westernized countries the acceptable conversational space is 18 inches. As a rule of thumb, stand as close as you feel comfortable. If the other person moves back, don’t step forward. People will respond positively or negatively depending on your respect for their personal space.
- Mirror
Subtly mirroring the body language of others makes them feel accepted and creates a bond. We naturally mirror friends and people of equal status. We tend to refrain from mirroring those we don’t like or strangers, such as those riding with us on a subway or elevator. Mirroring the other person’s body language and speech patterns is a powerful way to build rapport quickly. When meeting a new person, wait a few minutes and then mirror his seating position, posture, body angle, gestures, expressions and tone of voice. The person will begin to feel that they like — and are comfortable with —you. A word of caution: don’t mirror the person’s negative signals.
Based on information and excerpted with permission from The Definitive Book of Body Language, Allan and Barbara Pease, Revised and Expanded Edition of Signals. A Bantam Book, 2004. For more information, go to allanpease.com.
